Should I Get a Divorce? 4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Contacting a Divorce Lawyer
When thinking about life’s biggest milestones, there are a few that come to mind immediately: buying your first car, graduating from college, starting a family, getting that first major promotion. We generally associate milestones with the celebration of a momentous occasion. Most people, however, don’t dream about getting divorced. Divorce is, however, a milestone in its own right—and is a very real part of life for about 39% of couples. If you’re grappling with the decision of whether to ask your partner for a divorce, you’re not alone. The question, ‘Should I get a divorce?’ may not be the best question to ask yourself, though. To determine whether it’s time to contact a divorce lawyer, try asking yourself these four questions instead:
Have you communicated how you feel with your partner?
Oftentimes, when we feel hurt by someone’s actions, we expect them to be able to read our minds. Being clouded with emotion makes it difficult to look at the situation objectively. When tension is running high, putting yourself in your partner’s shoes in an attempt to have a fair conversation is a tall order. It may sound cliché, but communication is key…especially when it comes to re-establishing a healthy relationship. Think about whether you’ve clearly communicated your feelings, wants, and needs with your partner. If you find that you’ve been dropping passive-aggressive hints every now and then, you may want to take a different approach. After all, nothing can be mended when your partner isn’t sure what’s broken.
Is there is a way to salvage the marriage, and, if so, what steps need to be taken?
Getting honest with yourself about what you need out of a relationship is the first step to answering this question definitively. Is your partner capable of giving you what you need? If yes—openly and honestly—try to initiate a conversation about what you need, and how your partner can meet those needs. Tread lightly, however, as it can be far too easy to start playing the “blame game” here. Listening to your partner is just as important as sharing your feelings. If you and your partner come to an agreement that the marriage can be saved, it would be wise to give marriage counseling a shot.
However, if you find that it’s difficult to envision any form of resolution or reconciliation, the question, ‘Should I get a divorce?’ may already have been answered. The time to contact a divorce lawyer may have arrived…
Do you still love your partner? If yes, is that enough?
It is possible to love a person, but not be the right fit for each other romantically. Maybe you were perfect for one another at one point, but you’ve both changed. Where you once saw eye to eye, you now experience daily disagreements about finances, children, or other affairs. If you do still love your partner, ask yourself if that love is strong enough that you would be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to save the relationship. This means compromising where necessary, and putting your pride and ego aside to work on the issues at hand. If you’re not willing to make those changes, it may be time to contact a family lawyer.
Are you afraid of leaving the relationship? Why?
If you are afraid of ending the relationship with your partner, try to get to the root cause:
• Are you fearful you won’t be happy alone?
• Will you lose financial security?
• Are you scared you’d be making a mistake; if so, what kind of mistake?
• Are you afraid of how your family dynamic will change?
• Are you worried about how this decision may impact your children?
These questions can give you insight into why you’re staying, or why you want to go. For example, if your fear is rooted in your children’s emotional security and wellbeing, but you are otherwise miserable, it may be time to contact a family lawyer.
In short, if you find yourself asking the question, ‘Should I get a divorce?’ try sorting out the specific reasons you feel unsatisfied, unheard, or just plain unhappy. Although you may be raw with emotion, getting marital support before contacting a divorce lawyer is advisable. If you are ready to start divorce proceedings, please do not hesitate to reach out to our experienced New Jersey divorce law attorneys. We will help guide you towards a better future.
Contact Lazor Rantas, PC
If you are considering a divorce and need an attorney who can effectively represent you at every step of the process, you can count on Lazor Rantas, PC. We proudly serve clients throughout New Jersey as they navigate even the most complicated divorce and family law matters. To discuss your case with an experienced legal team, contact Lazor Rantas, PC today.